Archive for November, 2009
It’s really funny…………
Posted in life, thoughts on November 12, 2009| 1 Comment »
Overloaded………..
Posted in change, life, thoughts on November 10, 2009| Leave a Comment »
………..with ideas to write about today, but haven’t decided on anything yet. I thought I would just start typing and see where the heart leads. Ok, subjects could include an obediant wife, a step-parents views, a hotel stay, a public family secret, disorders and diseases, uhhhmmmm there is so many but what is prevelant for today? I must say my eyes have been opened a little more today by one little phone call. See, God puts people in your path just for the very moment that you need it. I didn’t realize I needed anything but a job; and then I get the phone call. This very phone call could enhance, destroy, save, enlighten, give strength or just improve a wonderful marriage and unity of the souls.
Step-parenting; I can’t say I know anything about it as I have never been one. So why would I write about such a topic…..because I’m married to one, and have relations that are one, etc. Where do they actually fit into the picture, and when do they actually get the recognition that they deserve. Are they just a piece of the puzzle to always get played or the piece left put up and never seen. They are not in the deciding factor in the final decisions of things nomatter if they are the caregiver, insurance payor, the house supplier, the meal maker, the taxi driver, and the money giver.
Are my eyes really open to the possibility that “the” step-parent can see right thru the games that might be played; manipulation, lying, butterup, deception, sneakiness? I am not just talking about my personal family but even the ones that might very well be reading this. Does it really matter for the sp to say anything at all about a subject, when the actual parent always is blinded, gives in, and thinks its all ok? Why even ask them if we’re only going to make the final choice in the matter and it be our opinion that is the solution.
I am forever not agreeing with my husband on the rules, discipline, etc for my daughter that lives with us….because I’ve already lost one daughter back to her dad. That’s my thought; I didn’t lose her nor did my husband have anything to do with that move. I have to blame somebody though, right? It can’t be my fault…….of course, it could be that there was a teenager that thought grass was greener on the other side as well. It’s possible it was just all part of the game……..and then it could be that well; I can’t go into the depths of someone else’s choices. Ok no blaming anyone here, just a realization moment for me…………this about me realizing that my husband really is pushed back. If some life or death situation was to happen to the kids; the sp wouldn’t be calling any final shots in the norm. As an wife that is very much in love with my husband; I really could’ve pushed him away by not sitting down and finding out the very reason each of us feel the way we do about such decisions that need to be made. Can we agree to take the time to listen to the logic then proclaim the answer with love?
He doesn’t know I have even been enlightened today, about his position in our family. I don’t want him left out, and I don’t want to push him out eventually either. I also don’t want him to punish incorrectly; uhhmmm let’s see I guess I’m the judge and I know exactly the perfect punishment is for every situation. NOPE! I really need to listen; I guess sometimes his anger overrides my thinking that he can make a “loving, impactful action/decision”. He can’t do it right cuz he’s mad, He can’t do it right cuz he’s not been a parent as long, He can’t ………do anything if I don’t let him share in all these experiences that parents/a marriage should share. Part of that is making mistakes, and standing by each other thru it all. My gosh, what have I done? I understand why he says “what’s the point” now………..I know duh, right? Light-bulb should have went off then; but it didn’t. Is it possible this is why so many marriages that include step kids don’t work?
I know usually when there is step kids there is sometimes a missing biological parent missing from the whole picture do to drugs, alcohol, absenteeism, etc………..but I’m talking about where all parents are involved including step-parents on each side. Kids know right from wrong, and how to get their way; am I missing it by wearing rose colored glasses? I don’t want to be too hard, and I don’t want them to be unhappy cuz they might just leave…………well EYES OPENED along with HEART! I am not playing anymore, my marriage has to last a lifetime; I am partners with my man by God’s Grace. I will have this very talk with him this evening; and apologize to him and the world! I have been controlling, unsupportive, and most of all not the spouse anybody would want to step-parent with. It falls down to fear……….I feared something, so I tried to control it myself. I no longer fear………….if they happen to want to leave; grass may be greener, but if its not then that was their decision. Old enough to make choices then old enough to enjoy the consequences. Let’s Enjoy Life ………….Overloaded!
The Son Painting
Posted in notes on November 9, 2009| 1 Comment »
Laughing…………
Posted in life on November 7, 2009| Leave a Comment »
my butt off! Ok, if you have ever had anything wrong with you to the point of testing by doctors then you have got to read the link to Marilyn’s blog; ohhhhh my gosh, HILARIOUS! This woman of God can take the saddest, most frightening, suspicious, angry, and unknowing steps/diagnosis’ thru life and just use plain ol’ criticism, back talkin, sarcasm, etc to get everyone else thru and maybe even herself. I dare you to read her journey; she just started it so it’s easy to catch up. I know you will love it and her by the time you are done! By the way this is my Aunt!………..the best medicine ever!
http://www.marilynssunflowers.blogspot.com
Unsure………..
Posted in life on November 5, 2009| Leave a Comment »
back but still to busy it seems to keep up on a daily basis; but who knows…….for now though I’m just unsure. Its ok to be unsure knowing that where my final place is. I must say that I deal with the natural human feelings of unsureness though. Mainly why and what purpose will this serve? NF, cancer, etc all these things are an unknown for the people that have to live between the lines of it’s diagnosis. It becomes easy to blame, find an excuse, or even a scapegoat than to just face the facts that we have an enemy that really is among us to destroy us. When these things happen though, if you step back and watch; you will see a healing that could’ve never taken place before had it not happened. A family brought back together after years of discord. A way for some to look at themselves and not judge anymore.
A new friend to make, just when you need a real one the most. Would I want my son to pay the price to bring a family back together; my selfishness says no…….but we all know he was only given to me for me to do my job; raise him to know the Lord on a personal level. But see, God did give up his only son to save all of us. See He was selfish in the fact He wanted us all. For those with no family, any sacrifice would be willing to enjoy just a moment in a family spirited atmosphere. There is a purpose behind the pain; though it was not caused it is still allowed so that the pain will give purpose to the much needed growth in each of us. I have to step back and wonder myself why I have become so close to this family member lately……..why have our paths crossed; why do we need each other, and what is about to happen? I know I shouldn’t but I still want an answer to why. She is not my blood, but she is becoming one of the closest people to my heart. She has had experiences, guilt, shame, victories, losses, thoughts, fights, anger, love, and most of determination. Where she gets it; who knows…………she probably is in awe of herself. She wouldn’t tell you that though. May we all step back and look a little deeper at the people God allows us to have in our lives. All have a purpose; to a beautiful tapestry that will be finished but it includes our pain. It’s all part of it. I must say that I hope to find many years of connected heart strings, and get to share the present of life and victory with her. I know when we look each other in the eyes from now on; there is a deeper sense of strength, passion, serenity, love, wisdom, life, sunshine, memories, mountains of endurance, and most of all true friendship……….to the end. Why I’m writing the words I am, again I do not know. I type what my heart is delivering at the time. Sometimes it makes me cry…….how my feeling turn into clicks. My heart is my writing, and my writing is your gift from me for the day. Another day is always a gift to be thankful for; so I’m glad I can share it with you. I’m still unsure…………..