Different outlook on life…………

…………after having a child w/ Cerebral Palsy and another with NF, ADHD, RLS, and PLMD. I also believe in Karma, I thought people stating kids/adults w/ all these alphabet diseases were in some type of hypochondriac disorder themselves. Then, I was faced w/ our precious Koda………..the flying monkey, bull in a china closet, can not sit down or still for “one” moment, chaos. 🙂 I can smile about it now, but I was rather slapped in the face that these “Alphabet diseases” are real; well real in the sense that the medical world has given a name for such behaviors. Such disorders are not fun, they take work & strong interpersonal skills to deal with such an active body. You don’t really get it, becuz that’s not how you are……….

I was once told by another w/ ADD that the brain is like walking into a electronics department w/ all the TV’s (you know like 100 tv’s on in one place) being on different channels……and you want to be involved & look at all of them; you like all of them; my mind blows trying to have two conversations let alone trying to think about, be involved in, and liking each and every one of those “actions” going on.

I’ve also been told, he’s a boy……..he’s supposed to be rowdy, running, etc. Yep, he sure is; but not to the point he hurts himself & others w/o any comprehension of doing such. When he jumps on every chair in the lobby and no discipline, attention, direction works; becuz he can only think about all those things in his head at once plus getting in trouble. Its like the he is the tv, and the remote is stuck on channel up/down back/forth constantly………and my words of direction are in there somewhere but he can’t stop on it long enough to think about the consequences let alone care. I saw the results of his brain activity……..well it’s the best and fastest ping pong game ever and never ending.

As I posted on Facebook though, I really have decided that Koda has a diagnoses of creative energy……its ok that the medical world wants to call it ADHD, so they can have a reason to prescribe drugs to make “themselves some $$ bonuses from the pharmaceutical companies”, and make our kids get to the point “the world calls normal behavior”.

Its all ok, but really every bad can be used for good! I believe things happen for a reason! I’m not saying that medication, docs, pharmacies, etc are not needed; they are needed and they have their place.

Koda is medicated for his creative energy, but not w/ stimulants like most that “alter the behaviors, spirit, natural given personality of a child”.

If everyone sits down & is always quite………….what a boring world this would be. I know these types of people can drive others crazy; but it’s ok! Its ok to be different, and “not normal”……..who decides that anyway? Who would run the marathons for fundraising efforts such as NF, Cancer, etc.  or happen to be in the right place to save someones life……..without such energy. We need people who are multi-thinkers on a dime, so decisions can be made at the last minute: for example, we need to save our country? I’m not making excuses or cover-ups to make myself feel better about having a child with such issues……but I am standing up for the spirit, personality, and/or natural nature of who we are inside & most of the purpose of what we are to become.

I never heard of public school homeschooling………..or virtual public school, well I knew that to get Koda out of “the troubled child” stage at school we had to do something or his spirit would be weakened if not totally crushed by no, stop, that’s not right, wrong, sit down (when he can’t), because he would be considered different, slow, special ed…….it’s all ok, becuz we decided to home school him this year. I couldn’t afford at the time to do a Christian based home schooling due to all the costs of supplies, etc. Plus with him being in a brick & mortar preschool last year; they did set up an IEP (Individual Education Plan); so he will continue to get services (therapy, etc), thru the school district.

We are one week in, and I am smiling at the progress……..I am enjoying my child! I was concerned w/ the social skills he would need; but there are a great group of leaders, seasoned moms, etc….and even new ones; ready to get our kids together often to play. Matters of fact, we have our 2nd group play date tomorrow……..he has looked forward to it all week & worked hard! I have more energy……wow it takes a lot to get a long drawn out boring story to be interesting to a boy that could care less; but we act out our books…….pics will be posted soon. Truly enjoying my relationship as his learning coach, and allowing him to be just what he is supposed to be………….FULL of LIFE!

A different outlook on life………….You have a purpose ……I’m positive it’s all ok, and different is good!

So many thoughts…………

as I laid my head down to sleep last night. I had all the words & was reciting them as to my new blog for today. Guess what, can’t think of one of those fabulous words. I think & write much better when everyone is sleeping or gone……..time alone doesn’t happen much. I’ve started a new journey & think I need to use my other blog page to share the journey w/ others. For those of you that don’t know, I’m having the Gastric Sleeve procedure done in October. I was supposed to have the Gastric Bypass procedure done this last April, but my insurance company put in a new stipulation; 6 months of dr supervised diet. Well I just went for my 3rd one yesterday & am very motivated in my new life of food & living. I’ve lost 20 lbs in 8 weeks, not counting a few before this journey began. I believe the new insurance requirement gave me a new insight to the other options @ one of the support groups. So if you are interested in this journey it will be posted at http://www.free-conscience.blogspot.com/, come follow if you like…………………..many pounds will be lost! :o)

I’m back……….

@ being an at home mommy. So, it’s been a week since I’ve been home full time and daily I can’t wait to get back to blogging! It will take me a bit to get back into the groove of finding the time & scheduling such time appropiately. I have to refresh myself w/ the site again, etc. Talk to you all soon……………….and I am happy!

Snow…………….

I’m tired of it already~ I love it when it comes, covers, and melts by the next day. Ok, I’m starting a new job tomorrow and it’s still snowing! Am I complaining, no just wanting to vent about the weather’s decision to make my first day of work a challenge. I love a good challenge; so God help me to face this challenge with safety and sense. LOL that is where the true challenge is; me having sense :o)! Happy New Year everybody!……….its still falling.

About to die………..

……….does anyone notice? You know we all have our issues, and all we want is someone to be there for us. Someone who really cares about us, and wants the best for us. We go about our days busy as can be, running errands, cleaning house, doing dishes, going to work, waiting in traffic, and then get cut off from another driver or the bill collector calls; do they not understand today is the day that “you fill in the blank” happened. My kid just got diagnosed with cancer, my loved one died, I lost my job, I have no groceries, my spouse just cheated on me, I live in a tent in the woods, My dad just hit me, I’m going thru a divorce, and on and on and on. Does anyone notice?????

Compassion for our neighbors, family, friends, and the stranger that you just cut off, ignored, laughed at, or just didn’t pray for today because we’re too caught up in our own issues. Everybody has them, and none of us are exempt from them. How we choose to deal with it though is the difference. I often can get caught up in my own issues and wonder “don’t you understand my son may not make it thru his teenage years; there’s no cure or treatment for NF”. “Don’t you understand, we don’t have any food in the fridge and I had to go to the food pantry for the first time in my life; I need a job”…………all of this only to strengthen me for what is about to come. I have been granted and allowed to be in this very family to build my faith, strength, courage and most of all love for others. I have endured and will be challenged with more; as God see’s fit. A reward, compliment, promotion, or whatever you want to call it; but God must think I’m “able and good enough” to take it on.

I don’t like it sometimes. It’s much easier to crawl back under the covers and not face any of it. Its easy being depressed; I can excuse it, not worry about it, throw it off to the side; but then it drains all of my energy to be depressed; now it’s too hard. I just want to be happy! Ok, I have a choice; it’s not everyone else’s job to make me happy. I need to find my happiness in another form than from the people in my life……..where do you find yours? Most people really are selfish, and only care about their own lives…….really!

My eyes were opened when I saw the tent in the woods; on a sub zero degree day. A man  (I’m going to call Jesus) only in a fleece jacket walks from a McDonald’s dumpster across the street thru the field and into the balding trees to his now called home. A tent. How long has he had to live there? Is he warm enough? How many are there with him? How did he get to this place in his life? When’s the last time he got to take a bath?What else might be wrong? Does he need a doctor? Is he starving? So many questions in the blink of my eye while I ride in my warm van that I gripe about needing to get rid of  on the way back to my warm house with running water, etc. But see, Jesus was thankful; he had shelter, food, and clothing.

Does he not have any friends or family? Then I thought; if I got to a place where I didn’t have a home, would I ask someone? Would I really be able to tell them? No, really would you be able? Its not a question of pride as much as it is; are there people that really care enough not to care to help take care of you until you can do it on your own again? People don’t want to be bothered, or their finances tightened to really help out. Thoughts to ponder……..when you think you’re about to die in your circumstance…………..

Ok God, what is my purpose; and why did I see this picture?  That’s between me and God and I do not need to share; but I ask you……..when you think you are about to die in your situation; just look and behold another life; and be thankful, giving, and most of all in prayer that you can help someone out of that place that they are in or add to what they have/need. Why are we so busy that we just pass everyone by? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!

Dark cloud…………….

There’s been a dark cloud around us for awhile lately and I’ve not been writing. I don’t know when I will be back into the groove of things again to blog. Too many deaths and diagnosis’ happening that are very close to our family. Please keep the families of these people listed as they have either been promoted to heaven, recently diagnosed with cancer, or have other tragic health issues:

Luke Wallace (Friend’s 4 yr old boy w/ NF and found cancer cure in heaven )
Dave Downey ( Friend of family passed the day b4 yesterday due to blood clot to the brain while driving over to visit my uncle)
Issac Krebs (Friend’s 3 yr old son found cancer cure in heaven) Feel free to visit this mom amazing journey with her son at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/issackrebs
Gabe Putthoff (our Associate Pastor’s 5 year old son who is facing his second round with cancer, and the issues that go along with it.) Feel free to visit his heroic story at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/gabeputthoff
Darren Myers (tragic car accident last night; in trauma unit on respirator. multiple injuries, doesn’t look good: my ex’s nephew)
Marilyn Boyd ( my husband’s aunt received the diagnosis of Carcinoid Syndrome which they have found the tumors and she is recovering from surgery then will undergo chemo for the one they couldn’t get)
Betty (BJ) Rentschler (my mother-in-law has been in the hospital twice within the last 30 days with a horrible bladder infection, and other health issues and is still in the hospital as I type)
Phyllis Bancour (my cousin has been in the hospital and now is recovering from pneumonia but was also diagnosed with emphysema and interstitial lung disease.)

……….praying to find the smiles of sunshine and good news through the clouds!

It’s really funny…………

………..how I continue to entertain myself by not knowing anything at all to write about when I come here to let my heart out. I sincerely go thru a thought process while typing and laughing at myself; “you don’t have a subject even in mind, what the heck are you doing.” “ohhh just shut it off and come back when you think of something worth wild to even talk about.”

Well by the time I get to this area of writing I have usually figured out or my fingers just go on with whatever is going to come out, but not today I am at a duh??? moment; did going blonde really set me back this much. Did it really pull out any sense that was rolling around up there? Blonde, funny isn’t it? I’m stuck!

I guess I’m still overloaded from the last posting……..too many prayers that need to be said, too much research that needs to be done, the laundry isn’t finished, the dishes still need to be done, dinner still needs to be partially prepared, but this is my only quite time when no one is here, the clothes still need to be put away from off the couch, I need to raise more money for a cure, we need to find a doctor that knows what the heck is going on, I need answers, I need to feel better, the bathroom needs cleaned, I need to go visit Grandma Lola, I need to get our business tax stuff done for Missouri, I need to work on the next NF event stuff, I still need to email stuff, I need to go get my drivers license changed, I need to take Holly to get her license, I need to go make my bed, I need to clean out the van and wash it, I need to deep clean Koda’s room, I need to talk to the bill collectors that keep calling and work out a plan, I need to do some Christmas shopping, I need to get a job so I can buy Christmas, I need to just do everything right now cuz I have put it all off long enough…..

…..wow where did all that come from? Busy? Apparently I need to be doing stuff instead of thinking about what I need to do. Been there?…………..lets not forget to stop, breathe, read, and have a moment in all the busi-ness of our lives and thank and reflect on God! Don’t forget your family and yourself. You can’t do all the above if you don’t take 3 very important parts of life to heart: God, Family, and yourself (and I don’t mean selfishness/pride). So today I’m going to just enjoy the day doing what I can get accomplished. It’s really funny……………………. being Blonde!

Overloaded………..

………..with ideas to write about today, but haven’t decided on anything yet. I thought I would just start typing and see where the heart leads. Ok, subjects could include an obediant wife, a step-parents views, a hotel stay, a public family secret, disorders and diseases, uhhhmmmm there is so many but what is prevelant for today? I must say my eyes have been opened a little more today by one little phone call. See, God puts people in your path just for the very moment that you need it. I didn’t realize I needed anything but a job; and then I get the phone call. This very phone call could enhance, destroy, save, enlighten, give strength or just improve a wonderful marriage and unity of the souls.

Step-parenting; I can’t say I know anything about it as I have never been one. So why would I write about such a topic…..because I’m married to one, and have relations that are one, etc. Where do they actually fit into the picture, and when do they actually get the recognition that they deserve. Are they just a piece of the puzzle to always get played or the piece left put up and never seen. They are not in the deciding factor in the final decisions of things nomatter if they are the caregiver, insurance payor, the house supplier, the meal maker, the taxi driver, and the money giver.

Are my eyes really open to the possibility that “the” step-parent can see right thru the games that might be played; manipulation, lying, butterup, deception, sneakiness? I am not just talking about my personal family but even the ones that might very well be reading this. Does it really matter for the sp to say anything at all about a subject, when the actual parent always is blinded, gives in, and thinks its all ok? Why even ask them if we’re only going to make the final choice in the matter and it be our opinion that is the solution.

I am forever not agreeing with my husband on the rules, discipline, etc for my daughter that lives with us….because I’ve already lost one daughter back to her dad. That’s my thought; I didn’t lose her nor did my husband have anything to do with that move. I have to blame somebody though, right? It can’t be my fault…….of course, it could be that there was a teenager that thought grass was greener on the other side as well. It’s possible it was just all part of the game……..and then it could be that well; I can’t go into the depths of someone else’s choices. Ok no blaming anyone here, just a realization moment for me…………this about me realizing that my husband really is pushed back. If some life or death situation was to happen to the kids; the sp wouldn’t be calling any final shots in the norm. As an wife that is very much in love with my  husband; I really could’ve pushed him away by not sitting down and finding out the very reason each of us feel the way we do about such decisions that need to be made. Can we agree to take the time to listen to the logic then proclaim the answer with love?

He doesn’t know I have even been enlightened today, about his position in our family. I don’t want him left out, and I don’t want to push him out eventually either. I also don’t want him to punish incorrectly; uhhmmm let’s see I guess I’m the judge and I know exactly the perfect punishment is for every situation. NOPE! I really need to listen; I guess sometimes his anger overrides my thinking that he can make a “loving, impactful action/decision”. He can’t do it right cuz he’s mad, He can’t do it right cuz he’s not been a parent as long, He can’t ………do anything if I don’t let him share in all these experiences that parents/a marriage should share. Part of that is making mistakes, and standing by each other thru it all. My gosh, what have I done? I understand why he says “what’s the point” now………..I know duh, right? Light-bulb should have went off then; but it didn’t. Is it possible this is why so many marriages that include step kids don’t work?

I know usually when there is step kids there is sometimes a missing biological parent missing from the whole picture do to drugs, alcohol, absenteeism, etc………..but I’m talking about where all parents are involved including step-parents on each side. Kids know right from wrong, and how to get their way; am I missing it by wearing rose colored glasses? I don’t want to be too hard, and I don’t want them to be unhappy cuz they might just leave…………well EYES OPENED along with HEART! I am not playing anymore, my marriage has to last a lifetime; I am partners with my man by God’s Grace. I will have this very talk with him this evening; and apologize to him and the world! I have been controlling, unsupportive, and most of all not the spouse anybody would want to step-parent with. It falls down to fear……….I feared something, so I tried to control it myself. I no longer fear………….if they happen to want to leave; grass may be greener, but if its not then that was their decision. Old enough to make choices then old enough to enjoy the consequences. Let’s Enjoy Life ………….Overloaded!

The Son Painting

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, There was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.

He said, ‘Sir, you don’t know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.’ The young man held out this package. ‘I know this isn’t much. I’m not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.’

The father Opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture.. ‘Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It’s a gift.’

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later… There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.

On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. ‘We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?’

There was silence..

Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, ‘We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one.’

But the auctioneer persisted. ‘Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?’

Another voice angrily.. ‘We didn’t come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh’s, the Rembrandts.. Get on with the

Real bids!’

But still the auctioneer continued. ‘The son! The son! Who’ll take the son?’

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. ‘I’ll give $10 for the painting…’ Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

‘We have $10, who will bid $20?’

‘Give it to him for $10. Let’s see the masters.’

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn’t want the picture of the son.

They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.

The auctioneer pounded the gavel. ‘Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!’

A man sitting on the second row shouted, ‘Now let’s get on with the collection!’

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. ‘I’m sorry, the auction is over.’

‘What about the paintings?’

‘I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.

The man who took the son gets everything!’

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: ‘The son, the son, who’ll take the son?’

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, WHO SO EVER BELIEVED, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE……THAT’S LOVE

Laughing…………

my butt off! Ok, if you have ever had anything wrong with you to the point of testing by doctors then you have got to read the link to Marilyn’s blog; ohhhhh my gosh, HILARIOUS! This woman of God can take the saddest, most frightening, suspicious, angry, and unknowing steps/diagnosis’ thru life and just use plain ol’ criticism, back talkin, sarcasm, etc to get everyone else thru and maybe even herself. I dare you to read her journey; she just started it so it’s easy to catch up. I know you will love it and her by the time you are done! By the way this is my Aunt!………..the best medicine ever!
http://www.marilynssunflowers.blogspot.com