like a lil’ girl in her new princess dress. Its 24 hours pre-op surgery, and I’m a nervous wreck. I’ve went through every emotional thought possible, denial, acceptance, anger, grief, and the one “what the heck am I doing”! I typically would put this post in the new weight loss blog that I’m doing, but it seems to fit here today. It doesn’t matter what we decide to do in life there is always the consequences of that decision. There is a thought process that we all go through when making such decisions, now I will say that I have not always thought through each decision properly. I’m quick to jump sometimes, I must admit.
I didn’t jump at this one though I wanted to. I wanted to lose all this weight that I have damaged my body with a long time ago. I’ve wanted it gone, but seemed to keeping adding it on. If I had only danced around with every decision I had to make…that would have been some additional exercise not normally in my “daily” activities. The reason I bring up “dance”, is that someone brought to my attention that I’d been dancing around the questions given to me. I had to stop and ponder that information. Why, was I, how, when, where, what subjects had I done that with? Clearly after time of being medicated, a little extra sleep, and quite time…….I realized I had done exactly that. I didn’t have a direct answer to anything I was being asked.
See, dancing allows one to be free, expressive and beautiful in approach, but not giving the full effects when I am being selfish and not sharing. A dance is beautiful when by oneself, but not near as direct as one that dances with another. My point is that I didn’t want to reveal the “real” me, I don’t want to talk about “me” because there is so much more that needs to be revealed. I don’t know that I’m ready to share that, and if I stay off /away from the subject then I don’t get hurt. When you dance by yourself, there is no one to trust but yourself. You don’t have to rely on that other person to make the right moves. There are times that I’m angry, sad, hurt, happy, laughing, etc. but sometimes I don’t think I should share such information. The desire is there to look a partner in the eye and dance in truth, but I wasn’t so sure that I could trust giving any information. Trust is something that has to be built with me, it’s not naturally given. Trust takes much practice just like learning to dance with a partner. I’m not saying I don’t trust, I’m saying that it takes a few practices for me to feel the security.
I agree, I danced around…..and I probably will until all layers of insecurities have been peeled away and revealing of such truth has it’s time. It takes such comments to make a person see what they need to do or are doing. I was hiding behind the questions (hiding behind the dress making it all seem as if everything is okay) instead of standing face forward with a direct answer. As I make these new steps in my life, this is one exercise I can say that has been perfected in the sense……..I can dance with you now! I can be open, honest, and look you in the eyes in the still of the moment & answer directly. Partners can be your mother, your brother, anyone that you come in contact with. Come dance with me, direct truth is a beautiful song…I am and will continue doing life with a free conscience.
…with a partner eye to eye, makes for an unforgettable scene of passion, integrity, love, truth, and beauty.
Simply L.O.L.A. 