Transitions can take a toll…

on a family. It seems we’re becoming the professionals of transition though. I used to say people with this much change must be asking or in need of drama. LOL! Drama, there’s none of it going on here…well, until you think about all of it at once then the anxiety attack comes. I swear I’ve never even had an anxiety attack or know what one feels like. Maybe my life has always been one so I don’t know the difference. Ohhh wait, I think it might be peri-menopause…oh no, it’s not that; too young!! ;D

Can I just say that I’m going crazy, but at the same time have a peace that I can’t understand; yep that’s the signs of INSANITY!! Confused! Ok so, within one week we have (remembering we only have one vehicle for 4 of us needing to be places) a change of work hours for the hubby, the boy is transitioning into public school two hours daily, the teenager still needs to go to work, clubs, volunteer, and then have surgery on the 9th, and finds out she’s got other medical issues that needs attention along with me.

Well me, that’s one place we won’t go because remember I’m confused and have no idea whether I’m having hot flashes or just ticked off; I’m at peace or in denial, I’m coming or going. Life is good, but transitions can take you to a side of life that challenges the mind, body, and spirit. I am alive! Pinching, to double check. Yep, it hurts!!

The biggest transition is myself really trying to get transformed to whom I was designed to be. I have been told for a long time that “hurt people always hurt people”. We all have been hurt by someone or some event in our lives and it does seem that we end up hurting the ones we love the most when we are hurting. I’ve done a lot of reading lately, and who we “are” really determines how we act “show ourselves to be” towards others.

I’m transitioning into becoming on purpose a person that no longer hurts people just because I am hurt, but to be there & do for despite the hurt. To hurt along with, beside, hold, and love the people that have hurt me, to be a friend, ear, shoulder, a place of trust when there seems like there is no one or nothing else to turn to. Transitioning me helps transition healing to others one person at a time. During this transition of myself, I am whom I am and who I was made to be but I have to tap into what that looks like and feels like, then act on it. I have to say that can make one tired…ohh but I have a remedy for that; this stuff (not telling right now) is fabulous. I can’t even take a nap because it won’t let me. 🙂

So with the transitions that I can just jot down they include: raised by grandparents and a gay parent, a father that disowned me, being sexually abused, giving birth to 3 children of which 1 is medically complex, 2 marriages, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and physical abuse, mood swings of the normal woman, different jobs (searching for where I’m suppose to be), renting to owning back to renting our homes, health issues of my own, enabling/enabler, going back to school, independent /co-dependency, death of loved ones with each pregnancy, watching dementia shadow the person who knew it all…..the list goes on and on like anyone else’s life. It’s no different, I’m no different, transitions happen and they continue to happen…it can take a toll only if you let it. I choose to make it abundant, vibrant, joyful, and share it so I don’t have to keep it. Transitions are steps in life to make us stronger, wiser, and most of all to give us the experience to be the good Samaritan.

Embracing, Educating, Energizing, and Enthusiastically Encouraging for all to be alive and actively involved in others! Bring on transition…excited to see what’s next ;oP

No weapon formed against me shall prosper: Isaiah 54:17.

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Dancing around…

like a lil’ girl in her new princess dress. Its 24 hours pre-op surgery, and I’m a nervous wreck. I’ve went through every emotional thought possible, denial, acceptance, anger, grief, and the one “what the heck am I doing”! I typically would put this post in the new weight loss blog that I’m doing, but it seems to fit here today. It doesn’t matter what we decide to do in life there is always the consequences of that decision. There is a thought process that we all go through when making such decisions, now I will say that I have not always thought through each decision properly. I’m quick to jump sometimes, I must admit.

I didn’t jump at this one though I wanted to. I wanted to lose all this weight that I have damaged my body with a long time ago. I’ve wanted it gone, but seemed to keeping adding it on. If I had only danced around with every decision I had to make…that would have been some additional exercise not normally in my “daily” activities. The reason I bring up “dance”, is that someone brought to my attention that I’d been dancing around the questions given to me. I had to stop and ponder that information. Why, was I, how, when, where, what subjects had I done that with?  Clearly after time of being medicated, a little extra sleep, and quite time…….I realized I had done exactly that. I didn’t have a direct answer to anything I was being asked.

See, dancing allows one to be free, expressive and beautiful in approach, but not giving the full effects when I am being selfish and not sharing. A dance is beautiful when by oneself, but not near as direct as one that dances with another. My point is that I didn’t want to reveal the “real” me, I don’t want to talk about “me” because there is so much more that needs to be revealed. I don’t know that I’m ready to share that, and if I stay off /away from the subject then I don’t get hurt. When you dance by yourself, there is no one to trust but yourself. You don’t have to rely on that other person to make the right moves. There are times that I’m angry, sad, hurt, happy, laughing, etc. but sometimes I don’t think I should share such information. The desire is there to look a partner in the eye and dance in truth, but I wasn’t so sure that I could trust giving any information. Trust is something that has to be built with me, it’s not naturally given. Trust takes much practice just like learning to dance with a partner. I’m not saying I don’t trust, I’m saying that it takes a few practices for me to feel the security.

I agree, I danced around…..and I probably will until all layers of insecurities have been peeled away and revealing of such truth has it’s time. It takes such comments to make a person see what they need to do or are doing. I was hiding behind the questions (hiding behind the dress making it all seem as if everything is okay) instead of standing face forward with a direct answer. As I make these new steps in my life, this is one exercise I can say that has been perfected in the sense……..I can dance with you now! I can be open, honest, and look you in the eyes in the still of the moment & answer directly. Partners can be your mother, your brother, anyone that you come in contact with. Come dance with me, direct truth is a beautiful song…I am and will continue doing life with a free conscience.

…with a partner eye to eye, makes for an unforgettable scene of passion, integrity, love, truth, and beauty.

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